Not a String
by The Rival
Summary: Oooh... I don't know why I wrote this. It's only good if you've seen Evita. Basically, my friend has a crush on Che (Antonio Banderas) but he's poor and can't afford to buy her a ring, so he gets her a string... weird...t


****

Not a String

****

Che _(speaking)_

I promised TK a ring, but I can't afford one! What will I do?

__

Walks down the street and finds a string on the ground

Que bonita! All the dirt on it makes it look pink, which is almost orange, her favorite color! She'll love it I hope.

__

He arrives home (which is a cardboard box in an alleyway) where TK is waiting for him. She made his dinner. She made his bath. And now she wants him to propose, give her a ring, and get a job so they can have a big fancy house and ten million cars. This doesn't sound much like stage direction anymore.

****

TK

To think that a boy

As poor as you are

Could get a ring for a girl like me

I want a ring

Yeah that's the thing

So where's my ring

You sexy boy?  


****

Evita

She wants a ring

Yeah that's the thing

So where's her ring

You sexy boy?  


****

TK _(speaking)_

Step off, Eva. You had your turn!

****

Evita _(speaking)_

Lo siento.

__

(singing)

Just listen to that

She wants you bad, Che

I'd give her the ring right now

****

TK

It's here at last!

I'm gonna get my ring now

Then make my wedding vows!

****

Che

Now TK,

Don't get carried away

****

TK

Che give me my ring

Then pull down your pants

You want me right now

Don't miss your chance

****

Che

Well uh

****

Evita

What's that?

Did ya get the ring for her?

****

Che

The ring for her?

Uh what are you talking about?

****

Evita

She told you last week she wanted a nice ring

She fucked you hard all night now she wants a ring

You must be quite relieved that she has not dumped you

So far!

****

TK

I want a ring

Yeah that's the thing

So where's my ring

You sexy boy?  
Would I have done what I did

If I hadn't thought

If I hadn't known

You would give me a ring

****

Evita

Seems to me that she's really insisting

She wants it this minute

She wants to show off all the jewels and gems

And put her finger in it

****

Che

The ring is the best I could do

Since I don't have the cash

The class and the connections

What I need to make you flash

The likes of me get swept up

In the morning with the trash

If I was rich or middle class

****

Evita

Screw the middle classes!

I will never

****

TK_ (speaking)_

Hey, that's my line, you dirty whore!

****

Evita

Did you hear that?

She called me a whore

She actually called me a whore

****

TK _(speaking)_

That was my line, too! I love saying that.

****

Evita _(speaking)_

Love makes the world go round.

****

TK _(speaking)_

You're gonna see **_stars_** go round in a minute!

****

Magaldi

On this night of a thousand staaaaaaaars!

****

TK & Evita _(speaking)_

Shut up!

__

Magaldi crows and struts away

****

Che _(speaking)_

Can't we all just get along?

__

Pause

****

TK & Evita _(speaking)_

No, not really.

****

Che 

TK, I love you so much

But I can only afford this piece of cord

Not a ring

I am just a poor street boy

I don't have money even for my honey

So please just wear this string

__

He puts the string on her finger

****

TK

I don't want that string

It's old

And really dirty, so I'm told

I don't like touching it

Get rid of it

Eva has a ring

So why oh why oh why

The hell can't I

I only want a ring

Not this nasty thing

****

TK

I want a ring and not a string

So get a job you dirty slob

****

Evita

She wants a ring and not a string

So get a job you dirty slob

****

Che

But I looked really hard to find it

I asked every crook

Checked every nook

And cranny

Is this how you thank me for all my love

This lovely ring

This wonderful ring

Can't you be happy with this?

****

TK

What you've given me

Is that a woman's fantasy?

You gave me a shitty string just now, didn't you

I don't want another stupid string in this house

It'll end up food for your pet louse

You don't want to give me a ring, do you?

I want a ring and not a string

So get a job you dirty slob

****

Evita

She wants a ring and not a string

So get a job you dirty slob

__

(speaking)

Yeah, Che. Get a job already and get TK a real ring if you love her so much. And you stink! Roll around in the sewer until you smell better.

****

Che_ (speaking)_

But then I'll smell like the sewer.

****

Evita

There is no soap

No soap like Zazz

N detergent lotion

Or oil with such power

In the shower

****

TK & Evita

It's the mother and father

Of luxury lather

The talk of the bath

The great ointment

One little frolic with

New Zazz carbolic

You'll be scented

You'll be sent

****

Evita

Away!

__

Che cries and drops the string

****

TK

But would I have done what I did

If I hadn't thought

If I hadn't known

I loved you anyway

__

Che stops crying and hugs and kisses her. Magaldi and Evita are grossed out, but glad TK loves Che even though she wanted a ring and not a string. Fade to black and CUT! That was completely and utterly retarded, people. I'll be in my trailer.


End file.
